1000 Times
by w00t4ewan
Summary: JJ takes a trip to London hoping to pick up where she left off with Emily.


Jennifer Jareau had spent the last 365 days in sheer terror, reliving the horrors of her abduction over and over again on a daily basis. Despite her best efforts to forget what had happened to her, Tivon Askari and Michael Hastings had taken control of her even in death. She was used to not sleeping, barely eating and generally living each day in a comatose type state. She had gotten used to isolating and had perfected a fake smile which seemed to trick her friends and family with her famous last words, "I'm fine."

The fact of the matter was JJ was far from fine. She was a total wreck and completely at her wit's end. She was hallucinating on a daily basis and her PTSD flashbacks were more and more frequent. She was tired of the nightmares, tired of having to fake affection, tired of living in sheer terror. JJ was simply exhausted.

It was on the anniversary of her abduction that she finally decided she couldn't handle it any more and made plans to skip town for a while. She threw clothing in her go-bag while tears flowed down her cheeks. Will didn't understand but he tried to be supportive. If JJ said she needed to get away he was willing to let her go. He wasn't sure when or even if she'd be back but he had to let her try if it could possibly relieve some of her stress.

JJ booked a flight and headed to the airport. She hadn't talked to Emily in months but she was heading to London. When Emily lived in DC she was always JJ's confidant. They had no secrets between them, that was until the wedding. On the night of JJ's wedding Emily had made a starling confession. She had admitted she had feelings for the blonde and had begged JJ to ask her to stay. Although JJ wasn't entirely sure she didn't have mutual feelings, she went through with the wedding. Now it was a night she thought about often and dwelled on "what if?" She always wondered what her life would have been like if she had the courage to ask Emily to stay behind. If she had given Emily a chance. Unfortunately, she hadn't been brave enough and in turn their friendship had suffered.

Of course, that wasn't the last time they had seen each other. Emily had flown in to help when JJ had been abducted, just as JJ had hoped. When she was at her wits end, tied up, tortured and nearly dead, Emily had been there for her. JJ knew that Emily would always come for her and now she had faith that Emily could be her salvation once more.

JJ boarded her flight and took her anxiety medication before relaxing into her chair and trying to sleep. She was plagued by nightmares throughout the duration of the flight. She had finally gotten to sleep about the time the pilot announced the final decent. Exhausted and nervous, JJ collected her bag and exited the plane into the bustling airport.

She hadn't even tried to call Emily prior to leaving from fear Emily would have turned her down. JJ was taking a chance to randomly show up in London but she knew it was her best bet to get through to Emily after the pain she had caused. She didn't blame Emily for avoiding her for the past year but desperately wished to mend their relationship. She needed someone on her side, she needed her best friend back. She needed to make amends and she was willing to go to any length to do so.

JJ took a deep breath and dialed Emily's number. The phone rang until it went to voice mail and she frowned. For the first time she was doubting the brilliance of her spontaneous plan. She hung up and tried again, this time there was an answer.

"Jay? What's wrong?" Emily answered without even a pleasant 'hello'.

"I'm, well, I'm in London," JJ admitted.

"Jennifer, why are you in London? Where's Will? And Henry? What's going on?"

"I had to get away. I was suffocating. I had to get away and I took a flight and I'm here," JJ broke down in tears.

"I wish you had called," Emily replied flatly.

"Can I see you? I understand if you don't want to..."

"No, no. You flew all this way. I'll text you my address. I can't believe you're here," Emily stated. "It's good to hear your voice."

"Yours too. I'll see you soon," JJ murmured trying to mask the fact she was crying. Moments after the call JJ received a text with an address. She headed outside and hailed a taxi and was on her way.

JJ nervously kept checking the time on her phone as the cab made it's way through the streets of London. It was late, Emily was right, she should have called. She should have given a heads up that she would be flying across the world to see someone whom she hadn't talked to in nearly a year. She was very nervous that what seemed like a good idea hours ago was now going to backfire and leave her even more hurt than ever. Twenty minutes passed before the taxi pulled in front of a brownstone and the driver indicated it was JJ's destination. She paid and thanked the driver before getting out and taking in her surroundings.

The neighborhood was quaint. Probably built in the 60s with rows and rows of houses. The brownstone she was standing in front of had flower boxes on the windows, overgrown with irises, Emily's favorite. The front door was red and featured a bell nearby. JJ shoved her phone in her bag and knocked on the front door. Within seconds the door swung open. A tall blonde with warm, blue eyes smiled at JJ happily.

"Oh I'm sorry," JJ admitted. "I think i have the wrong house."

"You must be Jennifer!" the blonde smiled, "I'm Anna. Come in!"

JJ looked confused but she made her way into the foyer as Anna took her coat and hung it in the hall closet. She then offered to take JJ's bag and placed it near the front door.

"Emily should be out of the shower in a minute," Anna smiled. "We weren't expecting company. Sorry for the mess."

JJ looked around the home, it was well lived in but not messy. There were pictures on the wall of Emily and this mysterious blonde, JJ's stomach sank. She couldn't get over the fact at how nonchalantly Anna had said "we".

"I'll put on some tea," Anna said through her accent. She disappeared into the kitchen as JJ took a seat on the sofa.

"Jay!" came a familiar voice.

"Emily?"

JJ turned and came face to face with the brunette. She smiled as Emily wrapped JJ up in her arms and brought her in for a hug.

"I'm sorry to intrude," JJ whispered. Very aware that she had obviously missed something in the months they hadn't spoken.

"It's okay, it's good to see you." Emily replied happily.

"Anna?" JJ questioned as if the name alone could ask all the questions running through her head.

"Yeah, I wanted to tell you..."

Before the two could get into any sort of lengthy explanation Anna reappeared with a tray of tea. She happily placed it on the table and took up a place on the love seat next to Emily, lacing her fingers with the brunette's.

"So what brings you to London?" Anna asked innocently.

"I umm, I needed to use up some vacation time," JJ lied as she poured herself a cup of tea. Emily watched her with knowing eyes, indicating she knew JJ was lying. JJ shifted under the weight of Emily's gaze.

"Well it's lovely to finally meet you. My wife has told me so much about you," Anna replied cheerfully.

JJ's heart stopped. Had she heard correctly? Could it even be possible that Emily had kept something so important from her? She felt betrayed and angry but did her best to keep from showing it.

"Wish I could say the same," JJ muttered through a forced smile.

Anna looked perplexed as her eyes shifted from JJ to Emily. Emily avoided her stare the best she could but JJ could tell Anna was uncomfortable. Anna suddenly let go of Emily's hand.

"I think maybe you two have a lot to talk about," Anna concluded before politely excusing herself to bed. Emily kissed her on the cheek but there was obvious tension between them.

Once alone JJ was the first to break the silence, "You certainly have a type."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying... blonde hair, blue eyes. She's stunning," JJ tried her best to speak evenly as to not let Emily in on her jealousy.

"Jayje, please don't be like this."

"Like what? I mean what do you want me to say?"

"I'd like you to be happy for me," Emily replied as tears welled at the corner of her eyes.

"Emily, I just didn't expect you to..."

"To what?" Emily asked angrily. "To what Jennifer? To move on?"

"No, I didn't mean that."

"I begged you to tell me to stay. I admitted I loved you and you told me no. You went on without me. Yet there I was dropping everything and running to save you when you needed me. And yet again, you turned me down. Do you remember what you said that night in the bar? You said no more lying. I was so stupid. I thought you meant that towards me. I waited anxiously for you to tell me you felt the same but weeks turned to months and you never called. What did you expect me to do Jennifer? I couldn't wait forever."

JJ broke down and finally let her emotions get the best of her. She knew what Emily was saying was true but it didn't take the pain away. She felt miserable. She had spent the last year thinking Emily would be there for her anytime she needed her and now she had to face the truth. She had to face the consequences of the bridges she had burned between them.

"Emily, I'm sorry."

"It's too late for apologies. I've moved on JJ. I think it's time you did too. I'll always wonder what could have been but it does me no good to dwell on the past. You had your chance and you couldn't do it, I get it. I was asking you to walk away from so much. But you can't come waltzing back into my life after a year and want to pick up where we left off. It's not fair. It's not fair that you still have a hold on me. It's not fair that you're here now and there's some part of me that wants to still be with you. But it's too late. I'm happy now. I'm happy with Anna. We have a life together and it's a good one. She loves me. And not only when it's convenient"

The last sentence was meant to hurt and it did it's job. JJ covered her face and began to sob. Emily regretted it as soon as she said it but no matter how hard it was to hear, it was the truth. It needed to be said.

"I love you," JJ finally admitted through tears.

"I know," Emily replied.

"I should have told you."

"The time is long gone for should haves. We can't do this, whatever this is, whatever this was... it's over." Emily brushed away tears of her own and sighed. She hadn't expected such an emotional reunion but she was grateful to finally be honest.

They sat in silence for a few moments until JJ had collected herself. She nodded, accepting her fate. Emily gave her a hug and JJ gathered her belongings as a taxi pulled up out front. And just like that, Emily Prentiss became nothing but a whisper in her haunted past. 


End file.
